30 Years on


So it seems like I’m sharing some thoughts about something which has been imposed upon me once more, something which never quite goes away. I decided to visit my Mother a couple of weeks ago, the television set showed that familiar and very infamous building once again. Bryn Estyn. Here we go again, what is the agenda this time, one wonders? It’s surely not the victims.

An embarrassingly polite and very naive effort was made to distract me with small talk but it obviously wouldn’t work, so what would be said next? It was something of a calmly stated rhetorical question along the lines of: How dare they just do this to me again? Impose their will upon me again? Not that it ever really properly goes away.

Sometimes one has to employ abstract tactics in order to defeat the enemy and survive.  I view this scenario like an ex-prisoner of war. That’s exactly what it was, war. In many ways it still is. It’s a long, drawn out battle which can grind one down if they are not resilient. That’s what it ultimately boils down to in the end, resilience. It’s one of those situations where you really have got to pay attention, and it gets tiresome. Living on your wits can take a lot of energy, and that’s one advantage to being young.

Nothing has changed at all, in my opinion, except the youth aspect. A new bonus of maturity is wisdom and knowledge, which isn’t a bad trade off. A very important and universal theme to remember is, the adversary often only has as much traction as you afford him. There is usually a way out, and it’s often obtained via something you have to do for yourself, whether it is by act or omission.  If anything has been proven over the years, it’s that corruption is rife, and that some rules, orders and processes are inherently wrong and ought to be broken. It is at times one’s duty.

This isn’t a recipe for anarchy though, it’s about taking responsibility for one’s own actions and being free to do as one ought to, to do what is actually right.

One thing I learned is: If mankind waits for permission to be free, it will be forever waiting.

Excuse the choppy storyline which may follow, but this is a bit difficult to relay at the moment. There will be much editing to come in the near future. I definitely have a story of some description to tell, with some golden moments. I say golden, that’s just making the best of a bad lot really. Classic moments of defiance and triumph for freedom though, all the same. I mostly have trouble with place names and time-lines, that’s what I’m trying to remember, but you have to appreciate these are things most of us have been glad to ‘forget’ and it’s occasionally upsetting, and quite uncomfortable recalling the darker moments.

My way of coping over the years has been looking back at the victories I had over them. The escapes, the curious adventures as a result of being ‘on the run’, the resistance and the total disregard for their ridiculous demands for recognition, and respect.

Of course, at times one had to feign many things in order to successfully deceive the enemy, they were generally not the brightest of sparks, so it was usually very simple.

These people inadvertently gave me an education which has been invaluable –